It’s been tough coming back to work, and probably not for the reasons some would think. As much as I love the little one, I know rationally that being in daycare is good for her; she’s getting the socializing that she needs, she’s getting new experiences and new learning opportunities, and it’s good for her. It’s also good for me to be with adults and using my work brain and all that fun stuff. And since the husband’s the one who does the morning drop-off, I don’t have that difficulty.
No, the tough part has been how unhappy people are, and how palpable it is. My first week back on the job passed in a fog; I felt like no one wanted to be at work (not that I always want to be either, but…), that everyone was just morose and down and bleh. It didn’t help that I had to start coming in ridiculously early to accommodate our daycare arrangement, so I was tired and confused on top of everything else. No, it just really felt like there really wasn’t much stopping people from saying “fuck this place” and taking off.
That said, maybe that was me projecting — not that I wanted to say “fuck this place” and take off, but my fog and confusion was contributing to my read of the situation. This is the second week, and it’s marginally better, mood-wise, though I’m still foggy and confused when people ask me to do work. Not that I’m not capable of it, but I’m still trying to figure out what’s changed and what hasn’t, and even way back I wasn’t always stellar when I was asked to do something that isn’t usually my responsibility (instead, it’s that of someone I oversee). Again, not that I can’t do it or haven’t done it before, I’m just out of practice at doing it here, so I’m confused and forgetful about how we usually get it done.
Boy, I bet you two wish you had that five minutes of your life back, eh?
A small part of my frustration also stems from the fact that I felt before I left that I was ready for new challenges and I wanted to make a move, but then the government started cutting jobs and everyone got panicked and has essentially stopped hiring. Totally understandable, but still frustrating. I was somewhat happy to come back to a job I already knew how to do, since I figured that would make the transition back a bit easier, but I have the itchy feet and that’s not helping my general mood, I guess.