Urgh. Sometimes I just wish I could open my head and cut out the parts that fixate too much on the wrong things.
However, I got what I was thinking off my chest at least. Though I sometimes wonder if the impression is that I’m sharing in an attempt to inspire guilt, which isn’t at all the case — rather, to explain how I’m seeing the world, explain upset/frustration I may be experiencing, and/or bring things out in the open to be addressed.
If I never tell someone, “It hurts when you do X,” how can I be upset if they continue doing X? Of course, it’s frustrating as hell when you tell someone, “It hurts when you do X” and they carry right on doing that. That’s either forgetfulness, disrespect and disregard for your emotions, or sheer asshattery.
Not to say that’s the case now; simply looking back on my past with other articulations of “I feel” statements to people. Yes, it’s a good communication tool, yes, it places the ownership of the thoughts/feelings on yourself, but when you’re communicating with someone who disregards that or doesn’t communication “properly”… holy hell. Prime example of that was the coworker — if I did something he didn’t like, it was my fault/problem and I had to change it. If he did something I didn’t like, it was my problem and I just had to accept him for who he was.
Fortunately, such is not the case for the DB. We can recognize and attempt to address problems — it’s just difficult not to fall back into the same behaviour patterns sometimes, for both of us. Such are the joys of long-term relationships, but at the same time I imagine this is where the work part comes in.