A few notes: next time you’re in need of a lawyer, vet them a little more thoroughly. The guy you pick from the phone book, though he may have convenient offices to both your home and work, may also be senile… and somewhat condescending/patronizing.

I’m sorry that I don’t have as much money as you think I should; this is what happens when you’re young and have been paying living expenses for some time. Yes, I’m aware of the extra money you believe I’m “losing” — the same fees that anyone else in my situation would have to pay. Yes, I’m a little frustrated that you’re asking me the same questions that I’ve answered from you on more than one occasion. Now I have to wonder if what you’re putting together is even valid legally, let alone accurate.

Lately I’m inclined to believe that one or both of the kitties is either in training to be or actually has become a ninja. The reason I believe this is because someone has, at least on one occasion, constructed a nunchuck using only her poop and some yarn. I think she forgot she left it there, since I found this device when I went to scoop out the box one day. I don’t normally study their poops particularly closely, but this one definitely gave me pause. And a moment of weird pride, I think.

I’m at home sick today because the darling DB gave me his cold, and I spent the weekend sick as a dog. Just… awful. At least today I finally seem to be feeling better. I haven’t been sleeping very well the last week or so, and I’ve been having a number of dreams as a result (I seem to dream more when I don’t sleep very deeply, which often happens when I’m too warm at night). Earlier this week, I was in a semi-dozy state for about 20 minutes before my alarm actually went off, and I was composing and revising media lines in my head — part of my job description, and not something I generally like to dream about. That said, it beats the dream that I had while employed under my previous manager, which involved my coworker and I wandering, lost, in a fog … one of the first times I’ve had that I can seriously point to my subconscious as reflecting my life.

I’ve had various dreams about pregnancies and such over the last while, but I’m not putting much stock in those. I’m in no rush to be reproducing, and there are enough people around me doing it. I’m quite happy in my child-less lifestyle for now, and I’ll make the necessary adjustments when the time comes. And I’ll still be able to talk about other things than babies. 😉

I had a dream the other night that the DB was lying on top of me, and I was licking and scraping my teeth on his neck and he was getting really turned on. This isn’t something that works for him in real life — rather, it’s a nice trigger for me, though — so it was an odd dream choice, but whatever.

Last night, though, I had a fairly vivid dream about my First Big Love, who I’ve mentioned a few times over the years on these pages. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years (though I did add him via facebook, ooh), so it was odd that he popped up in a dream like that. There wasn’t anything racy or particularly exciting about it; I think we were at some kind of car racetrack, and I know I ended up in his parent’s place at some point, but there wasn’t much more than that. I think we just caught up and enjoyed one another’s company.

It’s nice now and again to think about my past with him. Admittedly, we had a horrid ending the second time (as a refresher — we dated for a year when I was 14 and he was 15, then for a little over two years when I was 18 and he was 19), but despite all of the heartbreak, he was the first person that I can point to that I genuinely loved in a romantic sense, and he was a good first (and third) boyfriend. Sometimes I miss aspects of that relationship… he introduced me to comic books and certain musical groups, as well as in some ways video games, and we just had … I don’t know. That connection that you have with a first boyfriend or girlfriend, I guess, especially when you both still live with your parents and are in high school and everything. It’s very intense and significant, and personality-/life-forming.

Maybe I’m putting too much into this, maybe he never gives me a second thought, or maybe he feels differently than me, but I still remember the first time we exchanged “I love you”s, and a few of the other firsts. I think it’s pretty good that what stands out for me are the things I loved about him and us — the way he smelled, the way he felt we cuddled, the happy moments — as opposed to the pain and misery that formed the endings.

I want to be able to say something insightful and significant here, but I really don’t have anything good to go out on. Basically, I had a dream about a long-ago boyfriend, and it kept him in my thoughts today. Once upon a time, I thought I could see myself with him forever, even though I also didn’t think I could be with him forever, if that makes sense. He was allergic to cats, I wasn’t maybe as strong with him as I should’ve been, and so on, but that was then and it helped shape who I am now, as have all of my relationships (for better or for worse). He’s someone that I sometimes wish I still had a relationship of sorts with, but who knows if we’d have anything whatsoever to base that on? Probably not, and hey, maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be. Maybe I just miss what that relationship represented, which was probably tied into being in high school and having little to no responsibilities or concerns… not like nowadays.

He’s also responsible for my semi-crush on Jeff Goldblum, ’cause I always thought he sorta looked like the actor. Goldblum’s roles in Independence Day and Will & Grace helped keep me in love with the actor — the first because I love a pining story (given that I’ve lived it out a few times myself), and the second because it was just so ridiculous.

Anyhow, on that nonsensical note, I leave you with another one for the stupid things Jen has done file: last night I left the carton of ice cream out on the counter, which I’d half-suspected I’d do. I put it in the freezer this morning, and I had some not too long ago. I’m still alive, so it can’t be too bad, eh?


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