Today is one of those days that just drags on and on. It’s difficult in a new position, where you don’t always know how to fill your days — or you don’t always have enough to fill them — and you feel as though your time would be better served elsewhere, studying or reading or cleaning or sleeping or exercising or whatever. Instead I’m just making plans for things to buy after work — some more wool for some projects I’m doing and hoping to take with me to Vegas, and possibly some exercise equipment.
It’s funny how set in my ways I can be on some things. I first noticed this several years ago when I moved out on my own — sure, my place was cluttered and untidy, but I knew where everything was, and I got irritated with my then-boyfriend when he’d leave cupboards open, or stuff in places where it didn’t belong.
In my second place, I got irritated with my then-boyfriend (he of Smooshy fame) for leaving dishes anywhere and everywhere in my apartment, or not cleaning up after himself, and so on. Again, sure, my place was cluttered and somewhat dirty, but at least I knew where to find things and I didn’t have to worry about cats getting into dirty dishes or whatnot. I felt for his roommates; he’d leave pots, pans or whatever in his room for ages at a time, and I’m not sure how often he washed his sheets — what *is* it with guys and not changing their bed sheets?
Anyhow, here I am in my third place, and officially leaving with someone, as in both of our names on the bills (well, wherever they allow this — fucked up systems for some billing places), the lease, and an apparently equal division of labour, and I still have to restrain myself from taking over some tasks because I believe my way is the right way. The best part about him is that he feels that his way is the right way, so he can be just as stubborn as I about things and believe it or not, I like that.
I like someone who will stand up to me and stand up for himself. It’s so refreshing to be sharing in the responsibilities and the power, because I know that I can have a steamroller personality (I’ve admitted as much many times on here), and I need someone that will tell me if I’m being unfair or selfish or whatever — and he’s never done any of that, because we compromise.
That said, I’m now responsible for laundry, which is how I want it. It means I have to do it a bit more often because he has fewer clothes than I (shut up, he wears a uniform 5-7 days a week, I don’t), but that’s fine. I’m just bad at folding/putting it away, but I don’t usually fold his.
I do the bulk of the cooking, which I usually don’t mind, and we take turns buying that day’s groceries. It can be frustrating at times though when I’m waiting on him to cook or it’s his day off so he doesn’t want to go to the store and wants me to go for him — then I can get resentful.
But again, compromise comes into play. I’m not easy to live with, and I know that; I leave things lying around a lot (because then I know where to find them again!), and I don’t do the dishes the instant I dirty them (not that he does that nearly as much anymore), and I have a thousand different kinds of lotions, body washes, hair care products and books. He thinks I have too much stuff, I think he can be wasteful when it comes to food (rarely eats leftovers, bread products are often left to go bad, have thrown out meat because he didn’t freeze it or cook it in time).
I get cranky when he claims I don’t do something just because he doesn’t notice it — like cleaning the bathtub, which gets full of cat hair because the cats like to drink water out of it or go through it to get into the window. Or when he says I never use up the assorted hair care products or whatever that I have on hand. I have skin issues that require experimenting for what works best, and rotation based on the season and so on. I’d love to use the same thing year-round.
But hey, that’s what relationships are about. As I said to K and H a few weeks ago, it’s been in this relationship that I finally understood how you can be furious or insanely frustrated with someone, yet still want them around and all of that. Or maybe I’m just passive-aggressive. But it’s also been the first relationship I can remember where I wasn’t making a list in the back of my head of all the ‘can’t accept this’ behaviours that eventually reaches the ‘time to break up’ cut-off point. It could be just because I’m growing, but I like to think it’s because I’m dating someone right for me, despite his faults and frustrations.
I’ve certainly never felt inclined to hit him with my shoe, like with the previous guy, even when he’s been driving me nuts. I just give his crabby right back at him.
Anyhow, none of this is especially important or driven by anything, just me musing and reflecting for the sake of it — and trying to keep myself from stuffing my face. I’ve been feeling off the last few days, and I’m wondering if perhaps my blood sugar is out of whack.
Time for a bit more granola, I think… and only about 20 minutes until I get to go.