Note to self: never send Jay quotes from when they deal with haikus.

Jay’s first haiku? Sent at 15:28:23. My last one? 16:52:22. Gah.

Jen: 3y3 4m l33t h4x0r

j0! 3y3 4m t4lking to j00!

fux0red 5cr1pt k1dd13.

-“l33t h41ku”

Jay: Very nice. 🙂

Jay: Haiku-off!

Jen: I thought you’d enjoy it.

I didn’t write it!

Jay: It is so cold here

That my nipples have frozen

to my undershirt…

Jen: I didn’t want to

know about your nipple-shirt

Thanks for sharing, Jay.

Jay: I thought my nipples,

through their immaculate form,

enthralled your sharp mind.

Jay: Perhaps you would spit,

on the mona lisa or

burn the Voice of Fire.

Jen: Your nipples frighten

Small children, animals, and

me alike. Sorry.

Jay: Like so much great art,

they’re unappreciated

by those with no taste.

Jen: I’m not sure that your

girlfriend Natasha would want

many tasting them

Jay: Before I hang them

in an art gallery, I

should wax my teet hairs.

Jen: I am broken now

That image is burned into

my brain. I go hurl.

Jay: I’ll end your pain now,

before this poem devolves

to shaving my bum.

Jen: If you go to shave

Your hind end, don’t forget to

include your back, too.

Jay: I’ll order up two,

When they’re done with my rear end,

They’ll shave your top lip. 😉

Jen: But the boys I date

Like the hair on my top lip —

Tickles when I fellate.

Jay: That’s quite disturbing.

Do they also beg you to

dress up like Hitler?

Jen: No, that is only

Your fantasy. Most guys like

Me just fine as is.

Jay: Those close-minded guys,

are probably boring shags,

Nazi sex is hot!

Jen: This exchange is going

to be excellent fodder

for my site you know.

Jay: I’m not that worried,

After all, Jen, it’s not like

anyone reads it.

Jen: You is a bitch and

you’re just jealous because my

site owns yours. Hardcore.

Jay: Oooh, Diss! Feel that burn!

Tonight you’ll cry to your mum,

While I wax my breasts.

Jen: Whatever floats your

boat, my strange, weird, Jay-friend.

Go love your chest hair.

Jay: I thought I told you…

Never call me that again!

I go by “Phreeeeeoooouuummm” now!

Jen: You claim to be that,

But we all know otherwise.

One of us needs sleep.

Jay: Phreeeeeoooouuummm sounds like race cars,

so that should be my new name,

because I drink gas. 🙂

Jen: That explains much of

you and your oddities. Not

that you are explained.

Jay: I find it so hard,

to accept criticism,

from a girl who sucks.

Jen: I have always had

compliments on my sucking

abilities. Hah.

Jay: That doesn’t mean much,

He’ll say anything when you

have him by the balls.

Jen: That may be true, but

I know I am good, and that’s

all that matters. Shoo.

Jay: I won’t tease, you’re a

rare and great thing, a girl who

loves to give head… wow!

Jay: Haikus becoming,

broken and non-syllabic,

not thinking with brain…

Jay: Why do I feel bad?

it’s not rocket science that

my cock writes bad prose.

Jen: That’s because they are

venturing into the realm

of head. Distracted.

Jen: This has continued

For over an hour. I am

ready to leave now.

Jen: However, first I

must be declared the winner.

Did I defeat you?

Jay: Your crazy sex talk

has got me all muddled up,

I declare you: Champ.

Jen: I must remind you,

You introduced sex into

the haiku process.

Jay: Leave my tender nips

out of your condemnations,

nothing is as pure.

Jen: Must every haiku

battle center around your

nipples? Move on, Jay!

Jay: Few topics engage,

like my love of my nips, except…

maybe your peircings. 😉

Jen: And so it rages

on. I am going home, taking

my piercings with me.

Jay: The only rage here,

is the surging of my blood,

and my huge hormones. 🙂

Jen: Nothing on you is huge;

I have heard from Natasha.

Stop your filthy lies!

Jay: Could it really be?

Could her mass astonishment

all have been a ruse?

Jen: Women must cater

to every man’s ego. You’re

the biggest I’ve seen, wow!

Jay: Her moans of passion

betray your attempts to jibe,

I am freaking huge!

Jay: No unit of size

is adequate to measure…

my wooly mammoth.

Jen: Oh God, any re-

maining innocence I had

is now gone. You’re sad.

Jen: Moans of passion can

be faked, I will remind you.

Harry met Sally?

Jay: Enjoy your walk home,

While facing the wind, just think:

Jay is freezing cold.

Jen: I will laugh at your

Cold Winterpeg home. You chose

to move there, doofus.

Jen: I leave now, crowned Champ.

Suffer the agony of

defeat! Talk later.


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