Drinking Coke before lunch makes my heart race, and helps me to feel aggressive and full of rage first thing in the morning. This isn’t necessarily a good thing.

I feel passive-aggressive today, and tired, and sad and a little anxious. I think my life would be much better if I could be totally heartless about my exes and just leave all of that stuff behind me, but alas… I am stupid.

I was patting Thena last night in the middle of the night or the beginning of the morning, and her fur was all staticky-stuck to her, and I could see the little blue sparks of electricity jumping through her coat as I stroked her. That can’t be pleasant.

I have an appointment to see my doctor in a few weeks, so that he can fill out the paperwork so that I can start boxing and sparring with other people. I am amused by the idea that I might go in to work with black eyes or fat lips.

I find it annoying that if I mention to my coworker that I’m not feeling well, he asks me if I’m pregnant. Yes, and my parents are thrilled! I usually wind up making a joke about it being the second coming of Christ’s child or some such; it’s not his business if I’m having sex or not, and it’s really not his business if I’m preggers.

I’m not.

I need to research the company with which I have the job interview tomorrow, so that I don’t keep coming off like a total boob. I also need to figure out what I’m going to wear, and what vague non-lie I’m going to use to explain my late arrival to work tomorrow. I’m thinking of the ever-generic, “I have an appointment.” I also need to buy proper winter boots, so that I stop clomping around in my huge, gross Sorels, or sliding around in my mostly useless dress-soled boots.

Lately I’ve been feeling somewhat unwanted by some of my friends, so I’m choosing to sequester myself a little and stop hassling people.

Yesterday I was called gorgeous. I don’t believe it, but it was nice to hear. Yesterday I pretended that the cute policy analyst was flirting with me. I don’t believe it, but it was fun to pretend.

My shower doesn’t get as hot as I’d like it to get. In the winter, or in the morning when I’m half-asleep, I like to be able to crank the heat on my shower. I am limited in my ability to do so, and it’s frustrating.

I wish I could sing. Or dance. Or draw.

Sometimes I feel useless.

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