I have a few blog posts that I’ve been working on — I forgot to send one to myself at home, so I wasn’t able to complete it over the weekend, not that I spent much time on my computer this weekend anyhow. So, forgive me if what I post winds up being semi-disjointed and full of nonsense.
Oh, wait, how’s that any different than what I usually post anyhow? Yeah, shut up.
Man, how sad is it that a meeting is automatically improved, in my opinion, by the addition of the hot policy advisor? So pretty to look at. Also good today? My other two meetings were cancelled. So I get to carry a good feeling about meetings today: positive, only having one out of three. Positive: hot guy to look at at the one meeting I did attend (with *stupid* hair, ’cause it hates me). Positive: I get to act like a momotard today.
So… I think I have a platonic crush on you. It’s been weird to figure out, and I’m not entirely sure I do have it figured out. I know I enjoy spending time with you, and I like being around you. I enjoy it when you touch me, but I’m not sure if that’s just because I miss physical contact. I want to spend time with you and get to know you better, and I’ve had inappropriate thoughts (which seems to be the rule for me lately), and yet, I don’t feel physically attracted to you. Although who knows what’ll happen if this ‘crush’ continues. I haven’t had a crush in awhile, so I can’t remember how this goes. I want you to find me attractive, I know that much, but that could just be ego talking.
I think Moose might’ve been the last crush I had, and even that was different, because it was mutual, and evolved from casual flirting into making out and dating and sexings. Good times, good times, good times. I miss that kind of easy transition.
I lost a bunch of what I’d written here because Blogger annoyed me and I wound up copying something else and losing this text, so… urgh. Let’s see what we can dredge up from Friday’s post that never got posted:
First, because I haven’t screwed up my template in awhile:
|How to make a aphroditeishot|
3 parts intelligence
3 parts courage
5 parts leadership
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!
|How to make a jenx|
1 part anger
3 parts ambition
3 parts empathy
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!
|How to make a eiram|
5 parts pride
5 parts brilliance
3 parts instinct
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge!
Today I don’t want to do work.
|laughing is love|
|brought to you by the isLove Generator|
I also had “computers are love,” but I didn’t want to keep it.
It makes me very sad that there are people in my life who’ve had a significant impact on it, with whom I can’t seem to be friends anymore. I can’t seem to maintain a friendship with an ex-, and it’s not always because I can’t manage it… sometimes it’s him, too.
Here, I want to write an open letter to the person I have in mind, and though I don’t imagine he’ll ever read it, well… pay attention all, I’m going to talk about feelings here.
It makes me sad that we can’t seem to be friends. When I talk to you, when I see you, it feels as though you’re angry at me, and won’t tell me why. I want you to be happy, and I don’t know how to manage that. I don’t know if me being around would make things better or worse for you, or if you even want me around — not that it’s been a problem lately.
I miss being a part of your life, but when I try to be back in your life, I feel that I’m unwanted. I can sympathize with you being mad at me because we didn’t feel the same degrees of things, but… I just wish we could move past that and be friends, if nothing else. I miss you, and I care about you; you’ve had a much deeper impact on me than other people I thought I loved, and I wish I had the courage to tell you that and explain that in some way.
When did “I love you” become such a difficult phrase for me to say? I can say it to my cats, but to say it to anyone who could respond in kind (in some manner other than licking my face or nuzzling my chin) is the hardest thing for me to say.
I do love you. As it turns out, the feelings I have for you have lasted longer than those for people to whom I have said I love you. Isn’t irony funny?
And for the record… there have been a number of times I wished you and I could’ve worked out. I’m just sorry we couldn’t.