I just spent some time going through my archives from last summer, and man did I used to write a lot. What the hell happened to that?
Oh yeah, I got a job that sucks my will to live, and started censoring myself way too much. I suck.
Let’s see, big news.. not a whole lot, really. I’ve been talking to E the past little while — we chat through MSN now, and there are plans to meet for coffee next week. I’ve been asked by a few people if I plan on getting back together with him, and the question makes me laugh and I don’t know how to answer it — I haven’t the faintest if that’s what he’s looking for, and so I don’t even know whether or not to consider it. I find that it’s better to try to imagine things when I have more information, ’cause otherwise I get myself all worked up/confused over nothing, whether it’s good or bad.
It’s the same with work. There are a bunch of people coming back from secondment, maternity leave, and things like that, so that means that the salary budget is wonked, and the overtime budget is way over. There are two people whose terms expire at the end of the month, and they’re not coming back, which makes me scared for my job — see, I’m with an agency, so I cost a lot to have around, and I only have a job until December… so if I cost a lot and they don’t have a lot of money, there’s always the chance that they may decide to not bring me back. I don’t like this, especially since, while I do have savings, I’m not exactly ready for unemployment. And, I like having a job. I like eating, and I like being able to feed the cats and have lights and so on. I’ve been assured that they have “big plans” for me (whatever that means), and I don’t have to worry, but I still do. ‘Cause that’s what I do — I worry about things.
It feels weird to be important at work. Most of my other jobs, I had to almost fight to get some kind of roles that were just for me, and now… here I am. And some days I just try to keep my head down. 🙂