When I think about you, I touch myself

I was talking the other night with someone and they mentioned “the female equivalent of blue balls,” and it got me wondering — what exactly is the female equivalent of blue balls? I know I can get right up to just before an orgasm and stop with no negative repercussions except for a very grumpy/frustrated me. I don’t have any physical pain from it (which I’ve heard can be one fun component of blue balls), and just being aroused from making out or fooling around may get me hot and horny, but not into any major discomfort zone.

My flippant response to the comment was that I usually found two fingers and a few minutes could take care of any problems I might have, but even that isn’t entirely truthful. I don’t always bother to get off when I’m horny, partly out of laziness and partly out of just enjoying the sensations, sometimes. Granted, other times I’ll get off two or three times during the course of a day. *shrug* What can I say? I’m a bundle of contradictions.

Then I start wondering if most guys, when they get turned on from make-out/grinding sessions, go home or to their rooms or wherever and jerk off. I’m sure many do, but maybe not all. Maybe the time between the making out and the getting the opportunity kinda dulls the ardour, so to speak.

From there, I wander into territory whereby there are some friends, ex-boyfriends or people I know that I just don’t imagine jerking off much. Maybe occasionally to relieve tension or something, but there are some people I know that just don’t seem to have exceptionally high sex drives (or any at all), or who just don’t seem the type to get down and nasty with their bad selves and dirty parts.

Yes, these are the kinds of thoughts that occupy my mind. I apologize to humanity.

There are some people I know who, while they may not wear their sexuality on their sleeve (so to speak), don’t seem the type who are afraid to touch their bodies or who enjoy a good shag. But then there are others I know who seem to have their sexuality locked up rather snugly, and who don’t seem particularly concerned with the sins/pleasures of the flesh. I’m not trying to say there’s anything wrong with it, it just strikes me as… I dunno. I guess every once in awhile I get into, “Wow, I can’t believe people are different from me!” territory and get stuck there awhile.

Of course, on the other hand are the friends, ex-boyfriends or people I know who I wonder how it is they ever make it out of the privacy of their own bedrooms long enough to face the world for five minutes a day. There are some people I know who just can’t seem to keep their hands off themselves, or at least they give off that impression (or even state it outright). I think that this is an equally positive approach, but at the same time, some things are best enjoyed in moderation. Can we say chafing? Or even constantly having one’s underwear glued to oneself from lube or lotions?

Anyone who knows me would probably be amazed at the infrequency of how often I masturbate. I’m frequently lazy, too busy, or just don’t have the inclination to actually get down with my horny bits. Mind you, this has changed a fair bit since I’ve found my own little Whore’s Boudoir, but some nights, I’d just rather not bother. Sometimes one orgasm just isn’t enough, and then you’re up all night trying to finish, and people start wondering why you’re at work all the time with dark circles under your eyes… Naw, sometimes it’s just more fun to have the horny feelings and think dirty thoughts; then people wonder why you’re smiling all the time, and you can be creative with your answers… if you want to share.

I guess that, from years of it not really happening, I’ve developed a more laissez-faire attitude towards actually getting off myself. I know that I can do it when I want to do it, so I don’t feel the constant urge to make it happen. Either that or I’m really that much lazier than I thought, which borders on sad, I think. Of course, now and then it’s fun to make up for lost time with a day-long masturbation session, and it gives you such a rosy, peaceful glow to the cheeks.

Not those cheeks, that’s another column.


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