Well, you asked for it…

the big update

Or maybe not. I guess it depends on how into this whole “writing” thing I get.

Well, what has gone on the last while? A fair bit, I just haven’t written about it. There’s been a bunch of stuff that’s happened that I haven’t wanted to write here, for one reason or another, so rather than exclude only certain things, I wound up choosing to just exclude it all. I’m sure many of you shed many tears.

Note to self: don’t hit escape key while in the Blogger window, else it removes all the text that you’ve painstakingly (i.e., randomly) put down. Fortunately, control-z is our favourite key stroke.

Anyhow, what has happened? Been out a fair bit with friends and whatnot, various dinners here and there. Got together with an old friend C for Indian food one night last week (Thursday, if you want precision), and wound up having kind of a weird evening. There’s nothing like having friends 9 years your senior and to whom you feel not a single lick (no pun intended) of attraction telling you they find you (insert list of complimentary adjectives here) to make you have a *great time.* Especially when they later go on to state that while they’re not actively looking for a relationship because they know they’re really emotionally needy and such right now, they’d really like to have someone to cuddle and hug and watch movies and make out with.

Jen hears “emotionally needy” and disappears, leaving a humorous dust cloud hanging behind her. Maybe that’s selfish and such of me, but … frankly, I have my own shit to deal with, and I just don’t have it in me to be there for someone else, particularly someone who specifically states that there is stuff he can’t tell me because he “doesn’t really know me that well.”

Ben and I touched on this the other night. For the most part, I’ll pretty much lay all my cards on the table and let you take a look at ’em. To a certain point; it’s been pointed out to me by a number of people now that I’m not as all-disclosing as I think, or that I only reveal what I want to reveal (which in a way is pretty obvious, I know). But when it comes to conversation with someone I consider to be a friend, especially if we’re talking about relationships, I’m pretty forth-coming. So when I encounter someone who *doesn’t* fully-disclose, well… it throws me. Sure, I understand the principles behind it and I respect it and whatnot, but another part of me just sorta sits there, confused.

The other part of it was that Thursday night I simply wasn’t in the right headspace to be a shoulder for someone. I had a bunch of my own shit on my mind, and no real room for someone else’s, unfortunately. Especially someone that would only give me little tidbits and then claim not to know me enough, or not want to burden me with the rest. I certainly wasn’t about to beg for the stories.

So I felt like a bit of a bitch saying it, but I actually liked the guy I used to know better than this one. We chatted on the phone the following night, and he was driving me nuts, to be honest. Both nights it took me about a solid 20 minutes of saying, “I’m going to go now” — Saturday it was me saying, “It’s past my bedtime, I’m tired” — for him to let me go… and Saturday on the phone, there was a great deal of pauses between every pair of words, and (seemingly) condescending use of my name to denote displeasure with what I was saying. Drove me *bugnuts.* He kept stating, “I find my emotional response to you *fascinating*” and this and that, and meanwhile I’m thinking, “Okay Shatner, I’m bored of this conversation that consists of you telling me that my current relationship choices “sound lonely” to you, and frankly, I’m *tired* of you saying my name! Stop it!” and other words to that effect.

He later sent me an email apologizing, stating that my choices were not his to judge and such, and I acknowledged it. The other irritating habit he’s developed, aside from taking 10 minutes to get a sentence out and claiming he wants to flirt yet getting all condescending with my name when I make a vaguely-suggestive comment, is of prefacing everything he says with, “It’s only my opinion, but…” Argh! I called him on it a few times, and finally just flat-out said, “Look, unless you’re trying to tell me how I feel or what I think, or how everyone feels, I presume that everything you say is your opinion and therefore treat it as such.” He explained that it was a holdover habit from his last relationship, and I understand how those things hang around, but … argh!

So that was Thursday night. Full of goodness and fun.

Other highlights from the week? A couple of lunches with Heather, which is always cool. She’s going to be responsible for part of my Hallowe’en costume, which is just awesome and whatnot. Very much appreciated, and if I get any good pictures of it, I’ll post ’em up here.

I also called my trainer today and I’m going back in to see her tomorrow. She’s going to kick my butt for me, which is good and scary. *shiver* I’ll be whiny for a few days, count on it, I’m sure. šŸ™‚ I’m just trying to get into the habit of eating better and working out, ’cause I’m sick and tired of the doughy grossness that is my body. As I explained to Shawn, I feel a great amount of back fat, and the lower-slung jeans that I wear make the pot that is my belly especially obvious to me. Aren’t I sexy-sounding? Bah.

I thought about things I want to do with this site, including maybe moving it to Moveable Type. The only problem is that I don’t like to title my entries, and I don’t want to be forced into that. Sad, eh? šŸ™‚ Actually, the only problem is that I’m a momotard, and can’t learn MT. It scares me.

Argh. I had stories. There were a number of stupid callers on Sunday, but I kinda don’t care enough to list them here. The funny one was the 18-20 something year olds (I’m guessing) that called and asked if I wanted to go out for beers with them afterwards. Vaguely amusing.

It’s been a pretty decent little bit for socializing, though. Saturday I hung out with my girlfriend A, and she and I turned a coffee break into a tattoo for her and a new piercing for me. This one is an anti-tragus, and it didn’t tickle. I think it’s because it was done free-form (i.e., no clamp, and I actually prefer the clamp), and it’s a pretty thick and sensitive piece of cartilage. Nonetheless, it’s there and it’s giving me no trouble, aside from still being sore. I’m surprised, but pleased. I loved that one of the things I got told was “don’t sleep on it” — ’cause I have a lot of say in that once I’m unconscious. šŸ™‚

What else? Monday night Shawn and I got together and watched Beauty and the Beast. I hadn’t seen it in years, but I still had all the music memorized. šŸ˜‰ (We had a few of the Disney soundtracks, and I was a fan of many of them). Tuesday Ben and I hit up the Mexi’s for tasty food and then the mall for consumery goodness. I picked up a few CDs, and then it was off to the apartment to watch American Pie. I showed Ben an episode of Family Guy; he fell asleep half-way through. Ben amuses me. šŸ˜‰

After I revived him, we had some conversation about relationships and our friends. I don’t feel this is the place to go into a great deal of detail, but there’s a friend of mine about whom I am somewhat concerned. As I said to Ben, it’s probably because of my mom’s conditioning when I was growing up (which, given some of our family history, is perfectly understandable), but I do worry. So… for now, I’ll bide my time and keep my mouth shut, but we shall see what happens, and whether I wind up feeling as if things need to be said.

Hrm. People that try to get you to open up to them but won’t do the same bug me. Just remembered that — ties back into the C thing. šŸ˜›

Anyhow… chatted with my mom and my nanny for a bit this evening. One of my cousins is pregnant (not the one who got married this summer, thank god), and since it’s “out of wedlock,” my nanny’s a bit upset about it. Mom seems cool with it, as is my aunt — she’s really stoked, apparently — but Nanny’s not too pleased. It’s too bad, because it’d be awesome if she could get really excited about being a great-grandma, and I think she is, she’s just not thrilled about the circumstances. My cousin didn’t plan it, and she doesn’t want to marry her boyfriend just because of the baby, but I guess it’s not been ruled out entirely. I think she’s going to make a really good mom, she’s just sorta the last one we’d have pegged to be the first mom out of us. šŸ™‚

I think I just hit my wall, and I still have to make up my bed. Stupid dryers here really suck, so whenever I do laundry my apartment winds up decorated with soggy clothes. Tonight that includes my sheets — fortunately, I have a second set. They are clean and poorly folded, so I’m glad to have an excuse to unfold them and use them properly. šŸ™‚

I will end this massive post here, and we shall see what can be done about adding to it, as I recall the billion and one things I’ve thought about posting the last week and a half and haven’t. šŸ™‚ But again, I still update more than the rest of you, so there. šŸ™‚

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