Well, I haven’t posted much this week for various reasons. However, there are mini-rants/things I want to share, so it’s time for me to break my self-imposed silence and write away. Plus I’m overdue for an update.
I’ve gotten a fair bit of flak this weekend from different groups of friends about a perceived obsession (on my part) with sex. The comments have ranged from “observations” to some pretty severe chain-yanking – or at least that’s how it seems.
I have a few responses. The first one is that I find it interesting that the people who are bugging me are in long-term relationships and are therefore getting it more than I. As I’ve said, if you were starving and didn’t know where your next meal was coming from, you might talk about food a lot, too.
Then, to contrast – a girlfriend of mine recently asked my advice twice: once for herself, and once on behalf of her roommate, and suggested the roommate and I speak so I can help her out with her sexual inquiry. A coworker asked my advice about a month ago for hum and his wife. I’ve helped out other friends on various occasions. I find it especially frustrating that one of the people giving me a hard time this weekend sure as hell didn’t mind my “sex obsession” when she and her boyfriend wanted to buy sex toys and asked for my help.
Not to mention the people who appreciate my openness about sex when they want to confess their fantasies/kinks/experiences/concerns to someone who’s open-minded, accepting and non-judgmental. But apparently – at least for some of these people – they only appreciate my candour when it suits them, not when it applies to day-to-day conversation.
Then we look at the flip side of this – people who introduce sex topics, then either attribute the subject to me, or get “surprised” when I don’t jump on the subject. Then they accuse me of being sex-obsessed, or having an entire host of sexual kinks that aren’t mine whatsoever – like necrophilia. That comment should resonate with a few people. Or to spell it out more clearly: yes, I like sex beyond the vanilla. No, I don’t think it’s funny when someone else’s bringing up of necrophilia every time we are together in a room full of people gets attributed to me. Hahaha… no. Not funny. Especially not every time.
And for the record? A coworker of mine agrees that I’m not sex-obsessed, because I’ve turned down a number of offers. I could be having a lot more sex than I choose to be, so there you have it. Support from one camp.
See, I may come across as secure and confident or whatever, but in reality, I have a love-hate relationships with my sexuality. I’m not a virgin, and I’m fine with that. I don’t think I’m a better or worse person for being sexually experienced, and I don’t regret most of those experiences.
But I also have a real problem with it being implied or stated outright that I am promiscuous, trampy, or can’t speak of anything beyond sex. It’s an old hot button and it’s faded a lot, but it’s still there and it still upsets me. So needless to say, being told I’m sex-obsessed, particularly by those who were responsible for introducing the subject themselves – is annoying and upsetting.
As is being interrupted or talked over repeatedly, being told that “everything you say that I don’t recognize I attribute to Homestarrunner.com” (as if I can’t say anything odd or unrelated to that website on my own, never mind that many of my other friends and I regularly have nonsensical conversations and I carry that habit over – and this from… well, I’m not trying to point fingers, but let’s just say the subject of conversation that night didn’t waver much into areas of my interest (or outside of programming/RPGs), and I can talk about a hell of a lot more than sex or a website), and speaking of run-on sentences and websites…
Lots of my friends blog. Maybe not from that particular group, but look at my blogroll – about 3/4 of those people are people I call friends in real life. Yes, I write a lot on here. It’s a way for me to excise my frustrations, my muse, and keep in touch with those same friends. I love this as a creative outlet, and there’s no pressure on me to maintain a particular voice, thought, or subject matter. Hell, look at how poorly written this entry is. Yes, sometimes the muse strikes me when I’m not sitting directly in front of a computer – this is why I carry an assortment of notebooks, so I can write down phrases, ideas, or entire posts and not lose them. However, that does not mean that every time I pull out a notebook and start writing, that I’m automatically blogging.
I write other things that don’t appear online. I write stories, I write journal entries, I write rants about friends that I would not post for lack of need or lack of will to hurt others. That said and done, I really don’t appreciate having people chant “blog, blog, blog” at me when I have a pen and notebook in hand, nor do I appreciate not being given the opportunity to explain just what it is I’m doing. This ties back into the being interrupted or talked over, and it also to me denotes a lack of respect on the part of the people involved; denigrating something that is important to me, something that I might possibly like to do as a career, or a secondary job.
Basically this weekend, much of my time spent with my “friends” left me feeling very devalued and disrespected. The night in particular to which I’m obliquely referring, I would have left hours sooner than I had, had I not been awaiting a drive. Instead, I tuned out of the conversation entirely, and basically went to sleep on the floor. I was exhausted, and though one of my friends did apologize in my notebook during the course of the evening, there were one or two in particular that I still felt annoyed with.
I’m pretty tolerant of other peoples’ irritations; there are a number of points on which I was tempted to call a few people, including obsessions they appear to share – weight, being whistled at, being a minority… but I let them speak repeatedly about it, even if I don’t join in to those conversations. In the case of me and sex, I simply join in the conversation and contribute. I’m sorry if I happen to be educated about sex, but I have personal reasons for having learned as much as I have, and I’ve retained that which I’ve learned.
Here endeth the rant.
Rant, rant, rant… I don’t even know if this is going to have any repercussions, but it feels nice to get it out of my system. I certainly didn’t expect the theme to continue with my coworker G, when I went to work on Sunday, but there it was. *sigh* What a nice weekend.
However, there was a positive to the weekend. I did some shopping on Saturday with my mom, and I bought some new sweaters, some new shoes, and a really cheap dresser to keep in my closet. I did some furniture rearranging and setting up on Sunday (although not much), and so my apartment has a minor bit of floor space opened up. I set up my grocery cart, which took a lot more effort than I would have imagined, and I got one garbage bag of things put away in my dresser. Woot for me. 🙂
I’m going to do my best today to get my clothes put away and maybe get my CDs and some more books put away. Now that I have another bookcase, it needs filling. Some of this stuff has just been waiting too long, and it’s annoying me. I’m tired of apologizing for the state of my apartment. 🙂
Anyhow, it’s time for me to get back to work. I just wanted to get that typed up and posted while I had some free time.