I get a kind of high from literary events. At least ones that I find engaging.
I joined a few friends last night for one of the final writersfest events; this one was a reading of poetry and prose entitled “durty girls.” There were some fantastic stories and really engaging performers, and I really enjoyed myself.
I walked home from the event once again, and had all kinds of narrations running through my head — snippets of things I wanted to write or write about, and as with any creative burst like that, everything seems so perfect and profound. I really need to start carrying one of those mini-tape recorders for moments like that, because my memory for such things is so short.
Afterwards, I came home and had a nice long chat with Shawn on the phone. We talked about personality types and being able to see things in other people; he’s a pretty empathic person, and it never ceases to impress me that he can pick up on my mood changes even as I have them.
I thought on my walk home about how I have my standard neutral face that I wear. I wear it when I’m walking around the city, I wear it sometimes when I’m with friends and bothered by something, or when I don’t want to give things away. I used to think I had a fairly expressive face; when I was younger (and sometimes even now), I’d watch television and mimic as best I could the facial expressions that I saw. But at the same time, I’ve developed a bland or guarded face, in order to protect myself.
We talked a bit about self-preservation, too. Sometimes when one is feeling bad, one wants others to pick up on it and ask. Other times, one wants simply to be left alone to mull, to feel, to cope, to brood. Sometimes, one doesn’t want someone standing right there to know that he or she is the cause of the pain you’re feeling. It’s times like these that a bland face comes in handy.
I still remember going to dinner one time with Shawnathan, Glorg and Ben, and I had a sad thought pass through my mind. I felt sad for a brief second or two, and before I had a chance to bury it, Shawn was asking me if I was okay.
Today should be interesting. I’ll be seeing D sometime later, then I have the party extravaganza, then I’m off to hang out with another friend. Busy day, hopefully a good one. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, then again at 9:00. That was somewhat annoying, but is probably related to the two and a half hour nap that I had yesterday when I got home from work.
I also talked to Shawn about minor annoyances, and whether or not it was fair of me to be annoyed by them. When I was dating the co-worker, he made me feel like shit for being annoyed about anything, and constantly told me how I should be more tolerant of others and more accepting and blah blah blah. I am all of those things, but sometimes I do get annoyed by things I feel my friends should know.
I want to give examples, but that might point fingers a little too obviously at people, so I don’t want to make people feel bad. I just wish sometimes that people could remember the bigger things as well as they seem to remember the minor ones.
Anyhow… I think I am going to head over to the gym. I probably should’ve gone earlier, but I also probably should’ve done laundry while I was lazing around here, and it looks like I’ve done neither. 🙂