I’ve been told that I suppress my feelings and such. Last night, Prospero told me I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think I’m more towards his end of things, but some friends disagree. Fair enough.

My question is, what am I supposed to do in order to move on? I mean, some people expected me to be sleeping with someone new within a week of D’s departure. Kinda impressive, that. Is that how I’m supposed to do it? Just hook up with someone and drown my sorrows in sensation? By Thanksgiving, should I have found someone new?

Things ended ended last night. Sure, they ended when he left, but they didn’t. Or at least, I felt there were still hanging around, so I let myself stay attached. After our conversation the night before though, I spent much of today just feeling like ass, basically, and then last night kinda unloaded it, I guess.

I compared us to the situation I was in with my ex-, where I was being used for sex (or he was trying to do as much), and asked how it was different from this situation.

“The joke around here, for all the couples who’ve stayed together? Yeah, it’s over by Thanksgiving.” Doesn’t strike me as the funniest joke, really.

I seem to have stalled here. I think I really just need to pay more attention when someone says, “It’s over.” I need to lose that hope that things might change. That hope is just killer.


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