Someone smells fantastic!

I have been uninterested in dating people before because they didn’t smell right to me; I’ll stop for a minute after that so that you can stop laughing.

It sounds funny whenever I say it, but when I start to explain it, people understand a bit better.

We’re all to some extent or another ruled by our pheromones; this explains why you may have friends that are fantastic, sexy, funny, interesting, intelligent, hot – whatever it is that you look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend – but you have no interest in sleeping with them whatsoever.

In some cases, I say vaguely that I’m just not attracted to that person or I don’t see them as anything more than a friend, and in other cases, I can definitely state that they just don’t smell right.

Now, it’s rare that I’m lusting for someone straight of the bat, based on smell alone. Everyone’s smell is different, even if they all use the same soap, because our bodies react differently to the chemicals in things like perfumes, deodorants, and other scented products; each person ‘customizes’ a product to their body.

So naturally it can take a bit of time sometimes to really grow attracted to someone else’s smell. If nothing else, it can take a bit of time to come to associate certain actions, thoughts, or memories to that particular smell.

It’s been said that scent memory is our strongest memory; while a picture or a sound might not immediately recall an event, smell can. So once certain events get tied to any given smell – say, the smell of your lover’s sweaty body above you when he or she is grinding or thrusting away – it’s natural that you can start getting turned on when you smell them, or feel happy or comfortable or whatnot.

And boy, can one get turned on sometimes… I know I’ve jumped at least one boyfriend straight out of the shower ‘cause he smelled so damn good. And that’s just soap/fresh skin smell.

In a sense, I suppose I mildly fetishize smells (on one particular occasion I sat in a movie theatre trying to figure out who it was wearing my ex-boyfriend’s cologne, ’cause I was joking I’d jump him based on that alone). I know that there are times during sex that I’ll simply spend time sniffing someone’s chest or neck if they happen to smell good. And that’s not to say that those are the only parts of a person’s body that can smell good; it’s just that certain other areas can be more affected by sweat than those two examples.

As an example… everyone is familiar with ball sweat, right? Not entirely pleasant. In fact, it can be downright off-putting, even if the rest of the groinal region is fine. The same goes for women, and here I’m about to go off on a little rant.

A clean, healthy woman smells a little musky, and that’s about it. The same goes for a clean, healthy man. If your woman or yourself smells bad, it’s time for a shower. Let’s be honest here, people; no one smells good at the end of a long day. Even if your job involves just sitting at a desk, having skin against skin like that can cause sweat and some odour, and that’s just fine… so long as you realize that your lover might find your natural sweatiness a little bit much when it comes time for him or her to stick nose and mouth in such close proximity and so therefore isn’t completely chomping at the bit (sorry, couldn’t resist) to go down on you.

When in doubt, shower. If you feel grody and unclean, then why would you expect your sweetheart to stick their mouth in the region you’re most likely to be grody?

That all said and done, if you or your sweetie still smells bad after a shower, then maybe you should get theeself to a doctor and get checked out; low-level infections or a preponderance of bacteria can cause smelliness and should be investigated.

Finally, be nice when it comes time to saying that someone stinks, be it in the armpits or the crotch. Think of how you’d feel if you started getting amorous with your sweetie and they told you that you were too smelly to love at the moment. Talk about how sexy and fun a shared shower or bath could be, or tell them you have a fantasy about bathing them.

If awful cologne or perfume is the issue, then find a scent you do like and talk about how sexy it would be on them, or how turned on you get when you smell a particular one. Just remember that scents react with everyone’s body chemistries, so what smells good on one person will smell fantastic on another.

If they happen to smell really nice on a given day, make a big deal about it, so long as you’re being honest; don’t fake it (more advice for another column). Hell, go so far as to jump them if that’s what it takes to get your point across.

So let’s all do one another a big favour and cut out the comments about women smelling like fish, okay? If y’all wonder why we’re shy about dropping trou for a bit of oral loving, think about how many negative comments we hear. Then think about how lovely your sweaty man balls must smell and shut up. In the meantime, I have some body sniffing to do.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s