“So then I said … eh what ossifer?”

Okay, so I’m too tipsy and too tired to come up with a good drunken title. That’s supposed to be someone talking while drunk. Imagine it, if you will. If you won’t… then… take off, eh?

Yay for alcohol, that’s today’s theme. Y’know what’s fun? Posting while semi-drunk. Y’know what’s more fun? Getting laid while drunk!

Why’s that, you say? Well, if you can manage to pour your sloshed sweetheart (say that one three times fast while drunk) into a bed long enough, you two can have an awful lot of fun. Only if the two of you are consenting adults, of course. I, the DrunkenWhore (was there ever a more fitting moniker?), do not approve of taking advantage of someone who happens to be inebriated. It’s only fair to fuck while fucked if you’d both consent while sober. Okay? Okay.

Now we can move on.

So, when one happens to be in a less inhibited state, one happens to be… well, less inhibited, as it were. Personally, I have enjoyed some drunken sex on occasion, and it’s pretty fun, I think. Clothes go flying everywhere (or just kinda get lobbed off to the side, ’cause let’s face it, if you’re drunk, your co-ordination happens to somewhat suck, as all the typos I’m having to correct at the moment can certainly attest), the two of you are throwing one another about the room, and words are flying that you’d never soberly imagine yourself saying.

I remember the first time I participated in some drunken sex, I think I kept up a running commentary the entire time. For all I know, I was narrating the annual migration of the Monarch butterfly, but my partner didn’t seem to mind — I was talking the whole time, and it would appear that’s something I needed to get some liquor into my system to do.

Other people, when intoxicated, will be more readily prompted to do things like a strip tease, or some on-top action, or even some threesome or moresome action. Again, if it’s something that might potentially put your health or mental well-being at risk, I advise not using alcohol to loosen your inhibitions; while it’s all well and good to be vaguely embarrassed at something you might’ve done the night before, it’s all bad and bad to be severely regretful.

The other thing to keep in mind if you’re engaging in some drunken activities is whether your tolerance level can handle your level of intoxication. I.e., are you going to be providing the embarrassing stories for the evening as the one who threw up during the monkey sex? Or even worse, the one who passed out before it was over?

There’s little else more embarrassing in the world than to have to go up to one of your activities partners the next day and say, “Okay, umm… I’m really sorry, but I can’t quite remember – did I pass out before we finished, or what?” It could make for a funny story down the line, but… do you really want to go through it?

Of course, what could be worse is having someone else come up to you and say, “I’m really sorry, but…” and you not even recognize the person’s face – or it’s someone you wouldn’t sleep with in a million years.

And we come to the next thing to worry about when practicing drunken sex – are you going to wind up sleeping with a horror story? Someone who’s coyote ugly? Someone you’d not sleep with if offered a million and one dollars? And so on and so forth; you know the types of person I’m talking about.

Or worse, you sleep with someone and forget to protect yourself. Worse than sleeping with your worst enemy, worse than waking up the next morning and asking the, “Excuse me, but…”, worse is realizing you didn’t use anything. You could get someone pregnant, get pregnant, or even get diseased – and not even know it for months.

So, after extolling the virtues of drunken sex and then turning around and trashing them, you’re confused as to what this DrunkenWhore is advocating, right? Right. This DrunkenWhore is advocating either drinking just with your sweetie(s) and having the monkey sex you know you’d enjoy whether drunk as a skunk or sober as a judge (why do skunks get all the fun?), or simply having some spotters about to make sure you don’t hook up with someone you’ll regret later.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bed to climb into before I sober up. See, I’ve had these thoughts a-floatin’ around my mind that I would just love to try out, if only I weren’t so inhibited…

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