Lights go on… lights go off…

I’m one of the millions of people who feels her body isn’t all that fantastic. It’s pudgy in the wrong places, and in the act of gettin’ it on, there are many positions into which I contort that are not exactly what you might call flattering.

Add to that some truly goony faces I may (if so enticed) or may not be (if bored) making, and I’m usually not especially eager to be having sex under a spotlight.

Since there’s usually a shortage of spotlights in people’s bedrooms — at least those with whom I engage in intimate relations — most people make do with overhead lighting. This, too, makes me uncomfortable. I find the ability of my partner to see my every flacial contortion and expression a little unnerving, off-putting, intimidating… the list goes on.

Now, depending on my mood, pitch black can be pretty sexy and fun. Who doesn’t find a potential injury a turn-on? Okay, so after awhile your eyes adjust and the possibility of losing your nose to someone’s forehead lessens, but the majority of your sight is removed and I find that pretty fun.

But between the two extremes lies a nice compromise; candlelight, firelight, Christmas lights… each of these are a less direct source of light that won’t blind you if you wind up in a position whereby you’re staring directly into it.

No one looks bad in candlelight. Actually, I could offer up an ex-boyfriend or two who do, but I doubt any of my readers are sleeping with them. Ew.

Anyhow, candlelight is pretty flattering to everyone — it softtens the lines of the face and body, its flickering helps to eliminate long exposures of unflattering what-have-yous to your partner’s eye. That’s not to say your partner would be horrified by the fact that your skin isn’t as tight or smooth as an android’s bottom. The real fact of the matter is that if you feel inhibited or uncomfortable, you won’t enjoy rumpling the sheets as much with your sweetie.

If you don’t have a lot of candles, try putting them in front of a mirror to spread the light.

Now that I’m done channeling Martha, carrying on:

Firelight is a pretty sexy alternative, should you have a fireplace, quiet spot at a bonfire, or a burning house.

Again you have the flickering flames to help hide body flaws and create a nice, sensual atmosphere. As well, if it’s a cold evening, the fireplace can add some heat to that which the two of you are creating together.

A bonfire has the added sensuality of being outdoors, with the possibility of perhaps being seen, overheard, or caught outright. If outdoor sex is your thing, then by all means, bang away; just make sure anyone else who might be around won’t be offended if they wind up being privy to it. Otherwise, you might have some fences to mend once you and your honey stop knockin’ boots.

Now, if you’re gettin’ it on in front of a housefire, I hope you at least called 911 first. Those are your (or someone else’s) earthly possessions disappearing in smoke, and it’s a real shame to lose all of that just for the sake of some sex, physical enjoyment, and orgasms. Mmmm… orgasms.

Finally, Christmas (or other decorative) lights can make a nice background light by which to get freaky, and you get to choose the colour most flattering to you. Blue or green lights are ones I’d suggest avoiding — it’s tough to be sexy when one looks sickly. A mix of colours could work well, and with all the moving around, you likely won’t be in any unflattering lighting for long.

In all, I think a good compromise can be struck between those who prefer to hide in the dark and those who like to display it all under full light. The most important thing is that everyone is having a good time — if not, then it’s time to figure something out to make it so. If you can’t talk to your partner about it, or don’t really want to, then just set it up as an entire seduction scene, and enjoy.

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