You did what on my what?!?

There are certain rules of propriety that tend to fly out the window when one’s nether regions take over control of the blood flow in one’s body.

This is what leads couples to engage in risky acts in public; well, for some it’s the fear of getting caught, while for others it’s merely the “gotta do it now!” urge that takes over.

This is what leads couples to be loud and out of control, not caring if relatives or roommates or others passing by on the street outside happen to overhear your screams of passion and delight. When it happens to be relatives or roommates with a sense of humour, these sounds and comments can be used against you later for blackmail. Something that tends to be forgotten when one is in the midst of a horny phase.

Finally, this is what leads couples to engage in a practice that I like to refer to as “tagging” various household objects – be it beds, couches, floors, tables, large and small appliances, family pets and other family members.

It can be quite the adventure to try to tag everything in the household that can be used as a stable or unstable surface against which or on which to have sex. It’s always funny later to be looking at a piece of furniture and know, “I was naked on that.” It gives you a private chuckle.

On the other hand, if you share the household with other people, it can sometimes be a little disturbing to suspect or especially have proof that others have done the same. I happened to be privy to the following conversation quite recently regarding a disputed beanbag chair:

(The owner of the chair to he who was sitting in it): “Dude, you know I’ve been naked in that chair, eh?”

(He who was sitting in it): “Yeah, so? So’ve I.”

(Owner): “Yeah, but with someone else?”

(Seated): “Yeah, plenty of others.”

(Owner): “Dude, that’s my fucking chair!”

It was around this point that I lost it. Okay, truth be told I lost it about when the conversation began, but the whole notion that two different people had tagged the same piece of furniture – one with, reputedly, many others – led me to start eyeing the rest of the furniture somewhat apprehensively.

Of course, the question remains, what’s the big deal, really? I mean, so someone else’s naked hairy ass has been stuck to the same vinyl covering as yours, who cares, really?

Hrm. That didn’t come out quite right. Let me try again, with a different piece of furniture.

If you happen to live at home and be sexually active, chances are that you’ve tagged some of the furniture in your house, aside from your own bed. Let’s face it, if you’re downstairs in the darkened basement watching television with your paramour and it’s late at night, you’re not likely to sneak up to your bedroom where your folks are across the hall asleep, now are you? You’re just going to get down and dirty on the couch where you’re both snugly and comfortable.

If you have sexually active siblings, there’s a chance they’ve done the same thing. Assuming that they’re as considerate as you are when it comes to cleaning up any leftover bodily fluids when the process is all over, does it really matter if their (or their girlfriend or boyfriend’s) bare ass has been in the same place as yours (and your girlfriend or boyfriend’s)?

Mind you… if you live at home with your parents, who are or have been, presumably, sexually active at least once to produce you… multiplied by the number of siblings you have… chances are you could be tagging the same piece of furniture that your parents have. And that’s a whole other world of squick to my mind.

I have to admit, as open-minded and accepting as I am of everyone’s sexuality, I fall victim to the belief that I was hatched in a cabbage patch and my sister is the result of genetic experiments gone wrong involving gorillas. My parents don’t have sex – at least as far as I’m concerned – and I’m quite happy with that belief.

*shudder*

Moving on… I think there’s a certain amount of respect associated with the belongings of your relatives or roommates. It’s not kosher to go have sex on your roommates’ bed, unless he or she also happens to be involved – or having sex on your bed. The same goes especially, incredibly, double, triple and quadruple for any relatives – and if you’re having sex with your siblings or folks, then… well, I think tagging one another’s belongings is the least of your worries.

Now, at the same time… I had to laugh when the conversation surrounding the beanbag chair was going on. That could be due in large part to it not being my chair, but… what do I know? I just observe and write. But for the record… if I find out my sister’s tagged something of mine, things are going to come to blows, that’s for sure. Open-minded I may be, but… dude, c’mon! That’s my fucking chair!

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