And that’s why… the lady is a tramp
For anyone who reads the comments on this site, you’ve seen that I’ve been accused of being a slut, or of venturing into the slutty in my writings.
In real life, I’ve been called a whore, a slut, a walking STD, sex-obsessed… what else am I forgetting? Oh yeah, cute, sexy, smart, funny, interesting, and great in bed.
Sorry, had to throw those in so my self-esteem wouldn’t totally plummet.
Anyhow, as with everything that happens in life (okay, not quite everything, but some things), I start wondering what defines a slut or a whore, and I’ve come to the conclusion, as I do with most issues sexual or personal in nature, that it’s different for every person.
I’ve had conversations with friends, asking them to define what is a whore or a slut in their opinion, and then I’ve watched them frantically backpeddle when I say that, according to their strict definition that includes me – and these are friends that don’t feel that I am a slut or a whore.
But, discounting how this column may seem, I don’t intend to write about whether or not I am a whore. I’ve chosen the name for this site – Whore’s Boudoir – and its URL – drunkenwhore – in an effort to reclaim the term and associate it with something positive. That something positive came about this weekend past at a party when a new acquaintance went around proclaiming me to be the biggest/most famous whore on the Internet, to the shock of many people around us.
Nonetheless, back on track. What makes someone a whore or a slut? Well, according to Dictionary.com, a whore is “a prostitute” or “a person considered sexually promiscuous.” And for balance, a slut is “a woman considered sexually promiscuous” or “a woman prostitute.”
What does this mean? Well, it means that we can go on calling our male friends whores and not be using the term out of place, but we’ll have to preface the term slut with “male slut.” It’s no longer necessary to call someone a manwhore – just whore is appropriate, grammatically-speaking.
Now, since not enough of us are fortunate enough to work as professionals in the sex trade – most of us merely dabble as amateurs, taking on minor commissions and turning them into relationships – it leads me to believe that there are a lot of women being labelled as sexually promiscuous by friends and enemies.
Of course, if you speak to any straight male (or at least, any of the ones I know), they complain that they’re not getting nearly enough sex. Which makes me wonder, just who are these sexually promiscuous women screwing, if not anyone I know? I mean, most of my female friends have been called sluts at some time or another, so by definition, they should be sleeping with most of these other guys, right? Hrm.
Let’s apply this to me, even though I said I wouldn’t. If I’m a slut or a whore (both descriptors I’ve heard in the last few weeks), then I’m either a prostitute or sexually promiscuous (both seem to go together rather well – a nonsexually promiscuous prostitute had better have really high rates, else she’s not doing very well in her chosen career). Working from that, I would have to rule out the prostitution, as I don’t like to be out on the streets late at night, and I usually try to use those times for sleeping.
As for sexually promiscuous… well, what defines promiscuity? Resorting once more to the dictionary, “Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners”. Well, most people I know – myself muchly included – don’t fall under this description. I’m actually fairly choosy as to who I let near or into my body, and most of the people I know are quite the same.
If we look strictly at the number of partners someone has had, then trying to define a whore gets a bit stickier. Someone can have a somewhat high number of partners at a relatively young age, but it’s all circumstantial; if all the partners were in the context of a steady relationship, then is that person still a whore? If the expectation or reality was there for a long term relationship, but things didn’t work out for the various reasons that relationships don’t always work out, then what?
It’s entirely possible for someone to lose their virginity at 18 (to choose an arbitrary number), and have five or six partners by the time they’re 22 (another arbitrary number), and have had all of those partners in the context of relationships, each of which were several months in length. So… is this person a whore? I guess I leave it up to you to decide for yourself.
For the record, no, that’s not my personal history that I’m outlining there. I’m comfortable with the path that my sexual past has taken, even if there are a few detours I wish I perhaps hadn’t. But that’s neither here nor there; for the purposes of these columns and my dear readers, I am a whore and proud of it.