For the first time… yes!

My first time sucked.

Absolutely, no questions asked, no doubt about it, sucked.

I’m fairly certain I’m not the only person who can say this about their first time, either.

Many guys I’ve spoken to were incapable of lasting for any length of time once the penetration started, and hey, that’s pretty normal – it’s a new, totally different sensation from anything else (so I’ve been told), and it’s overwhelming – in a good way.

My first time, on the other side of the scale, I felt nothing. Sure, I could tell there was something different inside of me – I felt a little stretched or filled, which was a new sensation, different from fingers or a tampon – but otherwise, there were no nerve endings jumping up to yell hi.

Needless to say, I didn’t come that day – or for several months afterwards, even when the sex itself felt good. Hell, I’ll say it; I’ve had better than just good – even when the sex felt great, fantastic, and incredible, I didn’t come… back then.

But that’s a frustrating thing to remember (in glorious, sweaty, naked, panting Technicolour detail), particularly when one is engaged in a Master of Your Domain bet, so back on track.

There’s always a lot of debate (at least in my head) back and forth on the best circumstances in which to lose your virginity. I think we can all agree that under the watchful eyes of your parents is probably one of the worst. But a lot of people are inclined to say that your first time should be with someone special, and even though I can’t say that was necessarily my case, I’m inclined to agree. I think.

I’ve been someone’s first before, and while the circumstances themselves may not have been particularly special, the relationship itself was, so I’m fairly certain he was okay with how it all happened. Even though my first time wasn’t necessarily very special, I don’t regret it, either. But I know of people who do regret their first times: in cases where the decision was taken out of his hands; where it was a bet on the girl’s part that she could seduce the guy; or where it just wasn’t the right time or person – where lust, alcohol, drugs, or pleading took over and said “okay,” or “mphrgm,” which isn’t the clearest or most decisive “no.”

But what of the people who decide, “Enough is enough, I’ve been a virgin too damn long and I’m tired of it”? Many of them find a willing partner, someone they may care for, but not love, or someone who simply is acceptable (i.e., not coyote ugly), and they go to town… or car, couch, floor, bed, wherever seems best. Is this a wrong way to go about it?

What about situations where the virgin in question (VIQ) cares strongly for the non-VIQ, but the other merely cares for the VIQ, or sees the situation as purely sexual? Is it wrong for the non-VIQ to go ahead with the procedure (as it were), in those circumstances?

I’m at a total loss to come up with an answer to either of those questions beyond: it’s up to the VIQ to decide for him- or herself. Are they genuinely tired of being a virgin and have found someone they feel will teach them well? Do they want their first time to be special, or are they content with what they have? No one can really decide for them… unless the non-VIQ says no, which is a decision of sorts being made for them, I guess.

I was asked once, a few years ago, to initiate a VIQ into the world of sex. I turned him down, for several reasons, but chief among them because, at that time, I wasn’t particularly interested in playing teacher, and I really wasn’t looking to have sex with anyone at that point in my life. Some time later he told me he’d found someone to introduce him to the pleasures of the flesh, and I was happy for him; hopefully he found someone that he cared for to sleep with. I don’t regret having turned him down, and hopefully he understands why I did.

So, for a VIQ who’s looking for some pleasures of the flesh, I just have a few words of advice, whether it’s worth anything to you or not: find someone you trust and respect, and hopefully care for on some level. I think even if a first time isn’t the flowers and violins that romance novels and movies show, it should still be fun and maybe a bit special. Some random person off the street isn’t as likely to make you laugh and feel comfortable in the bedroom as a friend or partner would.

Otherwise, make sure you’re ready and not just horny. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference – and believe me; I know what I’m saying on that one, if nothing else.

Damn hormones.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s